Killing Me Softly

Killing Me Softly

Sometimes I hesitate to blog because I think, "What in the world do I have to say that's interesting?" I mean my relatives and friends who blog all have small children. I do love reading about the challenges of motherhood and being stay-at-home and/or working moms.....and I smile because I am beyond all that. Sure, I have a teenager at home, my baby-turning-into-a-woman, my last (I promise!) child at home......so, what do I have to say that doesn't sound like I am, well, preaching?

Believe me, even though I have the tendency to preach at times (I admit it), I really have love and caring behind my motives. For instance, When I learn a truth, I want to share it. I want my family to be healthy, I want my daughter to grow into a God-fearing, unpredjudiced lover of humankind. I want her to use her God-given talents for the good of others. I want all of us to grow in grace and humility and the knowledge of God. I want us to love more, be more patient with others and be ready for whatever comes in the future....

But getting back to what do I have to contribute.....I am 55 years old. I used to avoid telling anyone how old I am. For years when my daughter was younger, I wouldn't tell her my age and she didn't know! Her friends all think I am forty-ish which pleases and amuses me to no end.....She tells them the trurth, of course and they seem shocked. After all, 55 is so....old!

Doug read from our wonderful devotional by Bob Gass on Sunday. Here it is: "No Experience Is Wasted" (Ex. 3:4 NIV).....
"God doesn't waste anything. He uses all our experiences--the good, the bad and the ugly- to prepare us. Moses grew up in a "foster home". He spent 40 years in Pharaoh's palace learning the language and ways of the Egyptians. That's vecause God was going to use him to lead Israel out of Egypt. What better preparation for understanding your enemy than to be raised among them. But Moses also needed to learn some personal lessons, so God took him out into the desert for another 40 years to tend sheep. The grandson of Pharaoh is now a lowly sheperd. nothing will humble you more than having to take a job for which you are over qualified, especially when it's your own failure that put you there. Those years on the poor side of town taught Moses what it's like to identify with the hurting. Finally at 80, he's ready to fulfill his calling. God spoke to him personally out of a burning bush, "Moses, Moses!" It was at this most unlikely place that God revealed to Moses his calling as Israel's deliverer. And even though he experienced fear, made excuses and raised objections, he ended up doing the job. The point is--Moses' 80 years of training weren't wasted. His 40 years in the palace prepared him to deal with Pharaoh, and his 40 years as a sheperd prepared him to lead God's people through the wilderness and into their destiny. So even though you may be going through a difficult time, rejoice. God never wastes an experience. Never! He'll use it for your good and His glory."

After hearing this and reading it again, I thought back to the time years ago when Doug and I had a terrible fight in front of our children. We were at our lowest point. But somehow, we managed to go to church (CHC). Rodney-Howard Browne was there that night conducting services and we sat at the very back of the auditorium. Now this was so unusual because we had been very involved in several ministiries in our church and had always sat in the front row or at least close to the front. But like I said, we were at a very low point in our lives. And God refused to let us hide... Our row was called down the center aisle of this massive church, down to the front and onto the stage! I felt as if every eye was on us......Rodney prayed for us and we went down on the floor. As I lay there, tears streaming down my face, all I could pray was "God change us or kill us"....my thinking was that I would rather die than go on living in the conflict that had become our lives behind the religious "mask"....

Years later, a friend of a friend of ours prophesied to us that we would be going through a "Job-like" experience. Please understand, we don't in any way, shape or fom equate ourselves with that godly man! "Great", I grumbled.... All I could think of was " more trouble".....I didn't see it as an answer to my prayer.....

It wasn't until recently that I can see how much we have changed and how we are learning to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and depend on God! We're learning to be content where we are and to wait on God's perfect timing instead of taking matters into our own hands.....We're learning to say "No, we don't need that" and to take responsibility for our choices.
We're learning that we can't change anyone, we can only change ourselves. We're learning that we don't know what God is doing in someone else's life any more than they know what God is doing in ours......

Yes, He is "Killing Us Softly" with His love....and I am so excited to see how He will use our experiences.....

P.S. Lest any of you get the wrong impression, I am madly in love with my husband and more so every day! :) I have Him to thank for that......

New Year, New Things

Hey Everyone, it is your errant fellow blogger! I want to tell you up front that I am exploring a whole new departure in bloging. Well maybe. I'm thinking things through. I don't want to bore anyone, least of all myself! Mac has a great blog feature but do I know how to create it? Of course not! Still, I am contemplating changes....like when I cut my hair and lost weight....it felt good to try something new....Anyways, my blog will still be "me", good or bad.....but hopefully evolving.....

For Christmas, I made each of my four kids a photo album. It was not the creative style scrapbook in the sense of cutting (cropping) and adding embellishments but it was a simpler form--a new Creative Memories slip-in pocket page sort of album.....It was supposed to be easier. It turned out to be a monumental task. Each album holds 160 photos and/or journalling boxes ( I left one empty for a "to-from"box) times four and that's a lot of photos to wade through and then duplicate......Along the way I changed my mind about certain photos because one was better than another or one had people I wanted to include, etc.....so that meant more photos to scan.....I also sometimes cropped and fitted two photos into a pocket to include more.....I had to use my judgment but I basically wanted to start at birth and progress, not to adulthood but stopping just short of...I also tried to concentrate on that child rather than on their siblings although they are certainly included..... Some of the photo pockets on the page are horizontal and some are vertical so I had to take that into consideration as well. So the pictures aren't exactly chronological but close....My album making project consumed me for at least two months....There were monetary considerations and many times the scanner at CVS was either tied up or had to be re-booted. Once I stood at the machine for 6 hours!.....I think I underestimated the magnitude of the project......but each of my kids seemed genuinely happy to receive a little glimpse back through the years...There just weren't enough pages to chronicle so many memories....P.S. I prefer "creative" scrapbooking!

Alyssa turned 16 on the fifth of January! My sister and her best friend who is like an aunt to my kids, offered to have her party at their house which is slightl;y larger than our apartment. They have a screened porch that accomodates more people
and more importantlly it is one story for the grandmas who can't climb stairs......Debi and Tracie outdid themselves with a lovely "black and white" theme (Alyssa's choice) and we provided the food, Cuban sandwiches (again, Alyssa's choice) and chicken drummettes, salad, appetizers and cake.....Lyss brought a couple of her girlfriends. All three of her grandmas and her grandfather were there as well as two of her brothers, Angie, the nephews and one niece..... It was both a fun and sweet time. My sister and brother Mike and his family and my dad and stepmother surprised Alyssa with an Apple iPod and she got lots of shopping money, too!

On a personal note, Alyssa is driving (and quite well, I might add!) and is job hunting... She joined the nursing club at school earlier this year and is starting to take health related courses. Yes, she is interested in nursing, most probably in pediatrics.

My daughter has become dearer to me lately. Not that she wasn't ever dear but the teenage years have been a trial that we never anticipated when we got our precious gift from God.....Let me just say that she is far more intelligent and sensitive than most people realize and she is growing up.....And sometimes, not often but SOMETIMES, she does or says something that sounds like me.....Not that I want her to be anyone other than who she is but it just amuses me, do you know what i mean?

Funeral Cancelled...He Is Risen!

This anniversary (our 32nd) started out as an ordeal. That sounds strange, I know. I mean we have been talking about what to do for weeks. We kicked around this idea and that. Among them: the Holy Land Experience in Orlando (obvious choice because of the holy season, right?) Sea World (We haven't been in a long time and I adore dolphins and whales), Siesta Key (we've never been there), Anna Maria Island (we spent one anniversary there), Naples (because I saw a restaurant highly rated in Southern Living where you could eat directly on the beach), a dinner cruise (I remembered that Travis had gone on the Starlite Princess with a date years ago and Shane and Angie had recently gone on a dinner cruise) or dinner theater (but we didn't want to do the murder mystery thing that's so popular now for our anniversary and besides we wanted to somewhat keep the "holiness" of the weekend). I even looked up the Asolo Theater in Sarasota and got excited because they were doing the play "To Kill A Mockingbird". But there were no performances on Saturday! Disappointment.....Still, I was adamant that we weren't going to go to dinner and a movie. Now there isn't necessarily anything wrong with either or both of those things, I just told Doug "we ALWAYS go to dinner and a movie for our anniversary!

On Friday (our actual anniversary) we went to a highly rated Thai restaurant here in Brandon. Different, I thought. The service was good. The waitress was a cute, slender oriental thing in a gold lame gown.....I didn't care for the chili and something-else-sauce that my shrimp were in and when Doug and I asked for refills of the Jasmine tea, she poured water over the same tea bags which tasted watered down.....tacky, I thought.......the spring rolls were good, though....

Then we went to the mall for a quick shopping trip. I needed a camisole to go under this beautiful crochet top Doug bought me. We purchased for me two camisoles, two tee-shirts and a pair of khaki pants for Doug for about $42.00! It was secret coupon day or something at Penney's and in addition to the sale/markdown prices, the guy who waited on us gave us the 30% off coupon after we picked the 15% off one.....A "hug" from the Lord.....

That night I spent hours, yes, hours looking on the internet (the bane of technologically-challenged people like me) for something we could afford that wasn't too far away....sigh. I was discouraged. Even Doug tried. He went to bed and I kept searching...until 2:00am! I did find one place in Siesta Key that sounded wonderful--hot tub, private courtyard, bicycling, canoeing, etc. included in the price.....But ah, the price! Perhaps another time..... I finally came up with some possiblities that I jotted down and stumbled off to bed.....

Morning came and we still didn't know exactly where we were going or WHY we were having such a difficult time with our trip plans. It seemed like everything we tried was blocked....I suggested more than once that we just give up and stay home...you know, the "maybe the Lord doesn't want us to go anywhere......" mind set. But somehow I managed to jot down the number for the Starlite Princess cruise off the internet (where else?)......

We narrowed our options down to Clearwater, Madeira, Treasure Island or St. Pete Beach....We packed (everything but the kitchen sink and our bathingsuits!) and we went off to Village Inn to eat since by this time we were famished. Some time during breakfast Doug suggested doing the dinner cruise. That sounded like fun, so I agreeed. We stopped at Costco to pick up my photos and the cd I had ordered the night before because I didn't want to empty my memory card until I had those pictures on disc! Finally we were off......On the way, I called the cruise people and it seemed relatively inexpensive so I reserved it.....

We decided that since we were going to go on the Starlite Princess we would cut back and go with a cheaper motel. We stopped at a couple to check rates before pulling up to the Bayside Inn on Treasure Island. It was across the street from the beach but we figured, hey we could walk across the highway.....We asked to see the room and the clerk obliged us.
It seemed old but clean. We hedged a little bit not out of trying to get the price down but because that "spirit" of indecisiveness had persistently dogged us the whole week! Then we said okay mostly 'cause we were tired of looking.....The room, we reasoned, was only to shower and sleep--well maybe other things but we won't go into that here!

We got the key and then drove into St. Pete to Red Lobster for a little lunch. No matter what you think of Red Lobster, we have never had a bad meal there. I had grilled fresh haddock that was delicious....When we got back we walked across the street and about 900 yards down to the beach. What bliss! The air was warm, the sky clear and blue and a gentle breeze was blowing....we even found two chairs someone had left on the beach by some sand dunes! Another "hug" from the Lord......We sat there for probably an hour, just drinking in the peace and the clean salty air......Then we scooted back across the street to shower and change, and made it to our cruise paddle boat just in time to have our picture taken and climb aboard. We were seated by the window and like two teenagers, we giggled and held hands, basking in the moment. There was a pop music combo making known special occasions and they announced our names and our anniversary while everyone clapped....The meal was served in courses so we ate at a leisurely pace..... The food was mediocre and way over priced but the company was the best! :) We walked out on deck and laughed and kissed and talked about when we first met. The musicians sang "You're Still the One" by Shania Twain and we sang it to each other while we danced.... "Looks like we made it, look how far we've come my baby. We mighta took the long way, we knew we'd get there someday. They said... I'll bet... they'll never make it but just look at us...holding on, We're still together, still going strong......You're still the one I run to, the one that I belong to, You're still the one I want for life....You're still the one that I love, the only one I dream of, You're still the one I kiss good night...Ain't nothin' better, we beat the odds together....I'm glad we didn't listen, Look at what we would be missin'......I'm so glad we made it....Look how far we've come my baby......" It was lovely and romantic!..and we hated for the evening to end.....

Easter morning we packed up and left our seedy motel (it wasn't clean at all and the bed was lumpy). We drove down the beach and finally decided on Waffle House. It was there, it was quick (only 15 minute wait) and it was good! On our way, Doug looked up and saw a small plane in the sky dragging a banner "Funeral Cancelled. He is Risen!" Hallelujah! Jesus is alive and God is with us......

We drove back to the motel and with the owner's permission left our vehicle parked there while we again walked across the street to the beach. This time we walked about a mile down to the point of Treasure Island where the channel is and all the boats go through John's Pass. We found a bench on the little pier and sat there watching the dozens of boats, small and huge, the fishermen and skim boarders, the jet skiers, and the para sailers enjoying the water and the absolutely gorgeous day.... I climbed off the pier onto a large rock above the water below (sounds dangerous but it was quite safe) and sat there contemplating the beauty and peace and how good our God is to us....and I saw a dolphin break water twice!. I took pictures of boats and Doug snapped my photo....Eventually I climbed back up and we just sat there for a while on our bench quite content....I never broke a sweat, it was that pleasant a day....

Reluctantly, we walked back, dreaming of the day when we will, Lord wiiling, own a condo on the beach, when we can come back and stay as long as we want and we can share it with our family and friends.....We have always had this dream. Years have gone by.... Hurricanes have not changed it.....The seemingly impossible odds of us ever living on or even owing a "piece" of the beach does not deter us.......We have salt water in our veins and beach sand in our shoes.....We are dreamers......

We had decided beforehand to eat at Shells for lunch. We got a booth with a view looking out over the bay.....We ate their delicious crab cakes....As we walked outside, I went over to the rail to look--at what? More water, the homes across the bay, the fish in the shallows below....We will be back.....we always come back, sooner or later....

Our anniversary/Easter was wonderful...... We didn't really do anything that spectacular. I mean we've been to the Bahamas for our first, Hawaii for our 20th, renewed our vows before family and friends complete with candlelight, roses, pearls and lace, dinner and dancing and "honeymooned" in Charleston for our 25th.....those things are expensive and hard to top!

But this anniversay was special because God somehow, in His goodness made it special...It was special because we talked and reminisced, we laughed, we kissed and snuggled, we walked and relaxed, we had some good meals and some not so good meals, but we were together..... my husband, my lover, my best friend and I are still in love...how romantic is that!

Have You Found Your Calling? Part I

I wanted to share another great devotional with you.....(from A Word For You Today by Bob and Debby Gass)

"Have you read about two builders named Bezalel and Oholiab? God speaks about them: "I have chosen Bezalel...and...filled him with the Spirit of God, with skill, ability and knowledge in all kinds of crafts...Moreover, I have appointed Oholiab...to help him" (Ex. 31:2-6 NIV). And there are other examples where God's call was not "religious" in a formal sense. Nehemiah the wall builder, Daniel the government man in Babylon, Luke a first century physician. So consider this: your job could be your calling! When you demonstrate Christian character there, and you use your income to fulfill God's purposes on earth, you are as called as any minister."

"And your past doesn't disqualify you. Paul wrote, "I was a blasphemer..and a violent man" (ITim. 1:13 NIV). Happily, God doesn't consult our past to determine our future. Furthermore, God will call you to a job that looks too big for you. Why? So you'll never forget where your strength and success come from. Calls are not classified ads; you don't volunteer, you respond! God speaks, He persistently nudges you. In "Chariots of Fire", Eric Liddell says, "When I run, I feel God's pleasure."
All your human accolades and accomplishments will eventually leave you empty. Lasting pleasure, the kind only God provides, comes from knowing you are doing what HE'S told you to do. Eventually Eric Liddell became a missionary, so your call can begin one place then take you to another. Whenever you know you are doing what God has called you to do--you experience a lasting pleasure that simply can't be found anywhere else!"







'

Grattitude, Spring and Other Things....

Yesterday on the way home from taking Alyssa to school, I noticed the crepe myrtles by the side of the road. This isn't the first time I 've seen them. There is a line of them, maybe a dozen or more along Hwy. 301 going South into Riverview. They have been like silent brown stick sentinels and I have thought "How ugly!" But yesterday, they were different. It is as if all of a sudden, the crepe myrtles came to life. As I waited for the green traffic arrow, I noticed that the once brown of winter has changed into fresh green leaves! And there are hundreds of little buds that will soon blossom into the beloved splashes of color I so enjoyed last spring and summer!

By the way, when Doug and Alyssa and I went up to Jasper in north Florida to visit my brother a few weeks ago, we were treated to "eye candy" as we saw gigantic azalea shrubs awash in color everywhere.......beautiful......Here in Riverview and Lakeland the flowering shrub of choice seems to be bouganvillas and I'm not complaining! I love to look over as I'm driving along and see these breathtaking, beautiful blooms of burgundy and red.....It was like that in Hawaii--flowers everywhere.
And on one of our visits to Shane and Angie's last month we were greeted with the heady perfume of orange blossoms! We couldn't see them but oh the fragrance!

Florida does have seasons, albeit subtle ones. The mornings have been cool to sometimes chilly, the days very warm with clear blue skies and the evenings pleasantly breezy and cool. This is a glorious spring.....

Easter is one of my favorite times of the year for many reasons. When I was little Easter meant buying a pretty frock and dressing up with hat and gloves. It meant real baby chicks and bunnies. It meant coloring eggs for the big hunt later in the day. It meant candy, lots of candy! But now it's significance to me is as a Christian. I don't feel sad that Jesus died even though the movie "The Passion of the Christ" gave all of us who saw it a small glimpse of the agony and probably forever changed the way we looked at or didn't look at the crucifixion and what Jesus suffered for our sins.The reason I don't feel sad is because Jesus' death was planned by God for me, for all of us. My Messiah was God himself in human form. And because Jesus died, I will live forever!

There are many songs in my mind inexorably tied to Easter....verses that go...."He paid a debt He did not owe, I owed a debt I could not pay....." and "Up from the grave He arose with a mighty triumph o'er His foes..." and " We shall behold Him...." . How glorious it was to see and be a part of the Easter production at CHC, "Behold His Glory". How can I ever forget how I felt as Jesus rode down the aisle of the church on a donkey or the palm fronds waving as people (including me) shouted "Hosanna! Hosanna to the King! or the excitement and awe as Jesus came out of that tomb! I still feel excited at Easter........and deeply grateful.......

The second most important thing that I celebrate at Easter time is my anniversary. Doug and I were married on April 14th on Easter Sunday back in 1974 when Easter held little or no significance for me. You see, I didn't really know what it meant. I didn't know about Jesus and that He is a personal saviour. There must have been people who prayed for us along the way because Doug and I found Him two years later at a superbowl party at my boss' work place on a Sunday afternoon. My boss had recently gotten saved and he thought all his employees needed to know about Jesus. So he brought his pastor, Burton Schoepf (pronounced chef) to give us the "Good News". We were astonished and captivated and we asked questions......and a short time later Burton came to visit us at our home on April 12th, 1976 and when he left, Doug and I knelt and said a simple prayer and received Christ as our Saviour and Lord. I wish I could say that we followed him faithfully all these years. We didn't. We screwed up many times, we made many mistakes. I could go on about struggles we've been through,things we have learned, ways God has sustained us and ways He has used us and blessed us. Perhaps I'll testify to some of those things another time. But we always came back to the cross. And He has always been there for us with open arms.....

Easter for me is a time to be grateful, a time to reflect back on what God has done, where I've been and who I was and who I am becoming. I'm grateful that I have a husband who loves God as much as I do and does his best to honor Him. I'm grateful that my husband is my love and my very best friend, that we can talk and share things that we can't or won't share with anyone else. I'm thankful that as much as we thought we loved each other when we first got married, we love each other even more now......I'm grateful for my children. They have brought me untold joy, they make me laugh, they make me cry, they teach me things, they keep me on my knees.....I'm especially grateful for two daughters-in-law who are the absolute best! Beautiful inside and out. They are fast becoming two of my dearest friends......I'm grateful for the grandkids who keep me young. Why else would I let Landon ride on my back while I crawl on my knees and "neigh"? Why do I love sending "hug" packages to the grandgirls and chit chatting on the phone to hear those sweet voices? The grandchildren are the "icing" on the cake of life--the very best part!

This Easter I am very grateful......

In Tribute To Sally.....

Who knows why things "happen"? I was blindsided Monday when a dear friend of mine called to tell me that a dear friend of hers had been killed in an auto accident. I felt the loss, too. You see I had met and known this woman as well. Of course, I had only known her through my friend but I remembered her quite well. In fact, I had last seen her in August at Marleen's 60th birthday surprise party in Lakeland. Sally and her husband Jack did what show biz personalities do--they performed a cute little ditty in tribute to their friend.... We posed, oh so prettily, for pictures. We chatted, we laughed......the memory of Sally stands out in my mind as vividly as her red hair.....

Jack and Sally Jenkins were neighbors of Lew and Marleen when they lived in Brandon a long time ago. Neighbors and friends who never lost touch. They were also entertainers who performed not only locally but all over. In fact, Lew and Marleen took us to one of their performances here in Florida many years ago. They were old school song and dance performers but they were delightful.

We first met them at Marleen's 50th birthday surprise at our home on Derby Dr. in Lakeland. At just about every milestone in the Frye's lives, they would be there. And they would greet us like long lost friends....Jack and Sally were like that--made you feel as if you had known them forever......

She and Jack were residing in Georgia where the accident occured. An unlicensed driver ran a red light and hit the passenger side of their van. Jack sustained injuries as well. We know that they were able to talk to one another in the hospital emergency room but I guess Sally's injuries were too severe to survive and she died on Saturday morning......

Jack and Sally's daughter Letitcia (a Christian) told Marleen that her mother was at peace with the Lord......Would you pray for
Jack as he recovers from his injuries? Please pray for God to comfort him in his grief as well as their daughter, sons and family. My friend Marleen has been given the honor and opportunity to eulogize Sally at the funeral which most certainly will involve many show business personalities. Pray that lives will be touched, that people will stop and think about their eternal destinations.....Pray that Jack will enter into relationship with Christ (although he is a church attender)......

Sally was a beautiful, talented and classy lady. She had a warmth and sparkling personality that dazzled. That is how I will remember her......She and Jack were married 47 years.....

A Word

The computer was acting up so we took it not once not twice but three times to get fixed. I am still catching up on e-mails. Some I can automatically delete while others I have to wade through because they involve issues I need to speak out on....
So to catch you up on "things", (1) Doug is still working on the "vision" for his business that God gave him. It is painfully slow but I know He is teaching us many things along the way....(2) We are happy and blessed with our church and all that God is doing....(3) I am pleased to announce that I am going to give Creative Memories a try again as far as the business end! I will be an active consultant by April under my friend and colleague, Shana Brock whom I actually started with 9 years ago!
She is a born-again Christian and has done phenomenally well with 47 people underneath her so I will be in good hands. I'm not looking to make a big business out of it but will be content to get my products at a discount and help others discover the joys of scrapbooking and preserving memories for future generations.....

Anyway, my first intent was to share an excerpt from my devotional (yesterday's actually) with you:

"When our deepest desire is not the things of God, or the favor of God, but God Himself, we cross a threshold. Less self-focus, more God-focus. Less about us, more about Him. this calls for the death of ego. It rubs us the wrong way. It's a truth we must constantly remind ourselves of. "God made all things, and everything continues through him and for him. To him be glory forever" (Rom. 11:36 NCV). And if you still haven't got the message: "There is only one God, the Father, who created everything, and we exist for Him" (ICor. 8:6 NLT). Why does the earth spin? For Him. Why do you have talents and abilities?
For Him. Whose Word matters? His. Whose will must be done? His, not ours. God's to-do list consists of one item: "Reveal My
glory." Heaven's framed and mounted statement of purpose reads: "Declare God's glory." Everything and everyone exists to
reveal His glory--including you! Try to remember that."

I'm not trying to sound or be super-spiritual or to send anyone any "messages". I just wanted to share something I read that
spoke to me.....Will you pray for me? I want to be God-focused and bring glory to Him in all that I do.....

Love you guys!